If you’ve been working on regulating your nervous system and money stress keeps getting in the way, this one’s for you.
There’s something in this space that nobody really talks about, and it’s been on my mind for a while.
We talk about breathwork, co-regulation and all the beautiful tools that help your body feel safe. But there’s this one thing that can make all of those tools basically useless, and nobody really brings it up.
Money.
If you’re constantly stressed about paying rent/mortgage, buying groceries, or just covering the basics, your nervous system doesn’t have a chance. You can do all the breathwork you want, but if your body is living in survival mode 24/7, regulation is going to feel impossible.
I know this firsthand. I spent years constantly checking prices, returning things I bought, and denying myself the things I actually wanted.
And what I discovered on the other side of that season changed everything for me, not just my bank account, but how safe I actually feel in my own body. In this post, I’m going to share the exact steps I took to start understanding my money, because that clarity was the first real shift.
Why the Nervous System and Money Are More Connected Than You Think
Your Body Reads Financial Stress as Threat
Your nervous system is always on the lookout for danger, that’s literally its job. So when money feels uncertain, when every purchase comes with a knot in your stomach, when you’re constantly telling yourself no, your body reads all of that as threat.
The Story Financial Stress Tells You About Yourself
For me, it wasn’t just the stress of not having enough. It was what I started to believe about myself because of it. The constant denial spiraled into a story that I wasn’t worthy and that I wasn’t good enough. And it didn’t stay in one area. It showed up in how I saw myself as a hairstylist, as a coach and in my relationships. My confidence took a hit across the board.
That’s what financial stress does to the nervous system over time. It doesn’t just keep you anxious. It starts to shape your identity.
So when we talk about regulation, we have to be honest: the nervous system and money are deeply connected. You cannot fully regulate in a body that doesn’t feel financially safe.
So here’s what I did that helped me…
Step One: Get Clear on What You Actually Make
Why This Step Feels Uncomfortable (And Why You Need to Do It Anyway)
This is where I started, and it felt uncomfortable at first. Especially because my income isn’t a set number every month. Some months I make more, some months I make less.
So I did something I had never done in this way before. I went back through my records and looked at every single dollar I earned over the previous 12 months. Then I averaged it out to get a real picture of what I make per month.
Not what I hoped I made. Not the best month I ever had. The actual average.
This one step was both humbling and clarifying. Because you can’t make good decisions with money you don’t understand. Knowing your real income is the foundation everything else is built on.
If you have a set amount coming in every month, this step is pretty straightforward. If not, give yourself some grace, it takes a little more time. Either way, this is just information.
Step Two: Get Clear on Where Your Money Is Going
Fixed vs. Variable Expenses
Once I knew what I was making, I looked at where all of it was going. There are two types of expenses worth knowing:
Fixed expenses are the things that stay the same every month. Rent or mortgage, car payments, insurance, subscriptions, etc. These don’t really fluctuate.
Variable expenses are the things that change month to month. Groceries, gas, dining out, clothing, entertainment. These are the ones that can sneak up on you if you’re not paying attention.
What Happens When You Can Finally See the Full Picture
When you can actually see your income next to your expenses, something shifts. You stop just hoping for the best and crossing your fingers. Instead you start operating on real information. And real information gives you choices.
Most people find one of two things at this step: they’re spending more than they realized in certain areas, or they realize they need to bring in more money. Neither answer is wrong. Both are useful.
Step Three: Decide What Needs to Change
Getting Honest About What the Numbers Are Telling You
Before we get into this part, take a deep belly breath with me. In through your nose, slow exhale out your mouth. Let your body settle.
Okay. Here’s the part I want to be honest about. Looking at your numbers will probably require you to make some decisions you’ve been avoiding.
Maybe that means cutting something. Maybe it means figuring out how to increase your income, whether through asking for a raise, a rate increase if you’re self-employed, or building a side income stream. (We’ll go deeper on the income side in a future post, because that’s its own conversation.)
Why Discomfort Here Is Actually an Act of Safety
But here’s what I know for sure: if you want something to change, something has to change. That sounds simple. It’s actually the hardest part.
The discomfort of looking at your money is worth it. Because staying in the dark feels safer in the moment, but it keeps your nervous system in a constant low-grade state of threat. Getting clear, even when the numbers aren’t what you want them to be, is actually an act of love and safety for your body.
What Shifts When You Feel Safer Financially
What I Noticed in My Own Body
I want to be real with you. I’m not a financial advisor, and this isn’t financial advice. What I am is someone who spent years in survival mode around money and then slowly, step by step, started to shift it.
When things started to shift, it felt freeing. Like I could actually breathe again. The constant hum of anxiety that I had just accepted as normal started to quiet. I had more capacity. I could actually use my regulation tools because my nervous system wasn’t maxed out.
The Unsexy Truth About Where Change Begins
The connection between nervous system and money isn’t just theoretical. It’s something I lived. And the path out started with something unsexy: sitting down with a pen and paper (or a spreadsheet..I did both lol) and getting honest.
Your Next Step
If this resonated with you, start small. This week, just do step one. Go back through the last 12 months and get a real picture of what you’ve earned, without judgement.
And if you’re looking for more support in this work, the kind that goes beyond the numbers and into your body and your beliefs, you might love The Embodied Shift Method. It’s where the inner and outer work actually meet.
Or if you’re just starting out and want to get a feel for nervous system support in your daily life, grab The Daily Shift, my free 5-day guide. It’s a gentle place to begin.
You deserve to feel safe. In your body and in your life.
To your next shift,
Haley
